5 Questions Your Precious “Science” Still Can’t Answer

Boy oh boy was 2015 a great year in science. Do you even know great 2015 was? Of course you don’t you philistine. You make me sick! Oh what wonders there have been. NASA scientists have given us high definition pictures of Pluto, the plucky little not-quite-planet that was demoted out of planethood a few years ago but never lost it’s place in our heart. … Continue reading 5 Questions Your Precious “Science” Still Can’t Answer

Make that special someone feel special this Christmas

Christmas is a difficult time for the more self-obsessed and selfish among us. It’s a busy time, and there are things to do. Family to avoid. Friends to alienate. But as the holiday season approaches, it’s important to recognise and acknowledge those special people in our lives. It can be hard to know what to say though, and the right words can often escape us. … Continue reading Make that special someone feel special this Christmas

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Wankers

So you want to be the absolute worst person that you can be? Well listen here champ (that’s short for champion), it’s a long and hard road to the bottom. It takes commitment. It takes passion. Not everybody has what it takes to be the absolute worst, but fear not, pleasant internet person, I’m here to help. With a little help from my 7 habits … Continue reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Wankers


Ever had an internet argument with somebody where you actually changed their mind? Did they leave the conversation saying ‘thank you, I understand now, you paragon of logic and reasoning”?  Or did you end up being so frustrated at their lack of understanding and willingness to listen to basic logic and reason that you wanted to violate their face with a pencil?  This isn’t specific … Continue reading YOU RIGHT M8??!

Here’s Tom with the weathertorial

I’m warning you now, the wank factor is about to go up to 11.  Just saying.  Have you ever looked at the newspaper and thought “Oh look, some thoughtless and deranged individual has vomited on my paper. Wait, no, they’re editorialising actual proper news on the front page again.” No? Just me? Look at this bullshit. This is from just a few days ago. It … Continue reading Here’s Tom with the weathertorial

Goodes grief

Ever think to yourself, ‘This stack of Adam Goodes commentary needs more of my stupid opinions”? I did! Allow me to present it now. Perhaps you could boo it. For those of you that have no idea what I’m talking about, Australian Rules footballer Adam Goodes has recently found himself to be in the unique position as being the league’s most divisive player. This man … Continue reading Goodes grief


What an entitled pack of ingrates we are. We want to own a bloody house, we want cheap education, we want a good bloody job, and we want bloody welfare goddamnit! AND we want it now! We want to be successful, and we want what we want, and you better believe that we believe we deserve it.  A number of students have been very clear … Continue reading Gimme